|LIVING "HIS" DREAM
( for women only )
|OK, it's "his" dream... Not yours. What do you do about it?
| While it is a dream lifestyle for many, what most men don't understand is that "their dream" can be our
nightmare. That's exactly how it was for me. As a newly wed, I got my feet wet sailing, trying to live my husband's dream. It would,
after all make sense, to realize that living on a boat for any woman is asking a lot. After all, when we started this voyage, "Bob" was in
charge, and I do mean 'totally' in charge - and, what a boost that was to his already inflated ego.
I, on the other hand, got to follow Bob's orders, and yes, that meant 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. As my once soft
hair turned stiff as nails, and my once smooth perfect skin was turning salt crested and crusty - so also, was I.
He in the meantime kept commenting on how I should think this was a fair trade for sailing through the Caribbean. And while he
didn't even care if he had clean underwear, he wondered why I wasn't more enthusiastically sharing his dream. The man didn't even
have any idea what collagen was. After all, it was "his" dream, and I promised "through better or worse". It's just that, Girlfriend, no
one ever told me - it would be as "worse" as this.
Learn to sail, and do so independently. By this I mean that you must bypass or go over your husband's ego inflated
head, and pay for sailing lessons from a reputable sailing school with good offshore reputable instructors. By doing this, you will
learn how to handle yourself (and the boat) in all the different situations that might arise, and all your fears will vanish in the
I can not emphasize the importance of this enough. Until I experienced this first hand, I would not have believed the difference it
makes, nor how vitally important it is.
However, not until Capt. John virtually "rescued" me from off my husband's sailboat, and "tricked" me into off shore sailing
lessons, did I realize what I was missing. Capt. John (and his son) taught me how to sail, but more importantly, they gave me an
empowering confidence in myself, and while I know of no one that could be better then these two at empowering women and
bestowing confidence; I do know that there are excellent sailing schools and seminars (most operated by women, or with female
instructors) that are designed to empower women and give them confidence to sail a vessel at sea.
What did the sailing lessons do for me?
My independent sailing lessons changed my miserable sailing and living a-board existence into the most wonderful
experiences of my life.
I love my husband and he loves me; but when Capt. John took me off that boat, he literally saved my miserable sinking, stinking,
seasick life. I was at the point of being so miserable, I was thinking that dying would be a welcome relief,
and I was about ready to walk that plank.
My husband loved it of course, and had enjoyed the voyage, his plans were that we would stay out for years (not months) but, I
had turned into such a bitch, I guess he had no choice but to do something to get me home. As it turned out, he had e-mailed
Capt. John and asked for immediate help.
This was a second marriage for both of us, and I married into this sailing experience - blindly believing that sailing off to paradise
islands was a dream anybody could share, and I was eager to take it on. I thought it would be absolutely wonderful - but it wasn't.
Once we first lost sight of land, my life, as I knew it, fell to pieces, and most of those pieces, I was throwing over-board right along
with my cookies, (so to speak). I was above all else - scared to death. I was miserable. I was seasick. I was also deckhand, chief
cook, bottle washer, maid, drink mixer, snack fetcher, bow tender, dock fender, and everything else in-between. I wasn't feeling
like this man's wife, and I sure wasn't going to be his little boat whore, cleaning woman, maid, bar tender and cook.
Aside from all that, I was living a life that was constantly leaning at a 30 degree angles. Not only was I scared to death we were
about to turn over, I was having to keep one hand gripped to anything I could hold on to. I was constantly praying God would just
make this #@&$ boat level and still.
Once rescued however, I spent the next 6 weeks with Capt. John' s oldest son John Jr. During that time, he took me to
an all day spa and left me for the day. Then they bought me a nice evening pant suit, and took me out to dinner. Little did I realize,
they were pampering me for a purpose.
The next day, (without notice, of course) I found myself "dinghy" sailing. Each of us in our own unsinkable sailing dinghy. At first,
it was putting around in short stop and go motions. Then, it was racing around a course marked by buoys. After a couple of days,
we chased each other playing "bumper" dinghies. At first of course, they ate my lunch when it came to speed, and
maneuverability; but it wasn't long before this woman (who was always competitive in games and sports) was out sailing the men,
tagging them in the chase, bumping them in bumper dinghies, and out running and out maneuvering them on the race course.
I was having real fun, even laughing. Something I had not done in a year. It turned out, of course, that Capt. John and John
Jr. weren't just being nice and giving me a place to stay while I got my head on straight - they were actually teaching me all the
things I needed to know about sailboats and sailing. I began on this small scale of sailing a dingy, not only to understand the cause
and effects of wind, water on my little boat - but, I was really having fun and enjoying it.
Soon enough, what we did with the dinghies during the day, was transferred to our lessons at night. It all began making sense to
me now - for the first time I realized (and how relieved I was to learn) that my husband's "healing" our boat was a natural design
element of sailing - whereas all the time we were "out there" - I thought the boat's "leaning" was a sign we were about to tip over
and sink. Both Capt. John and his son, were willing to bet money - it was this constant fear, that prolonged my agonizing
seasickness. (Turned out, they were right.)
Finally, it was my turn at the helm of my husband's boat. Only this time, it was without my husband. This time it was just John
Jr. and me. But is wasn't Jr. at the helm as I had expected - it was me.
Within three days, I could take that baby out and make her behave exactly how I wanted her to behave - just as I had made the
dinghy behave. On the third day of offshore training, John Jr gave me a heading out of Galveston to sail to. He volunteered to
make meals, and fetch coffee and beverages, but other then that - he said, I was to pretend he wasn't there.
Eight days later, after stops on Sanibel Island and the Keys, I made landfall on Bimini Island - where Senior was waiting for his
son and my more then welcome husband appeared asking for permission to come aboard.
So... What did independent sailing lessons do for me?
They saved my life. They saved my marriage, and they saved my husband's dreams and added me to it. Since leaving
Bimini, my husband and I now share everything! I spend 50% of my time at the helm, he spends 50% of his time as chief cook,
bottle washer, deckhand, snack and beverage fetcher. We have since "happily" sailed the entire length and width of the
Caribbean, as well as across the Atlantic, across the Mediterranean to Greece and back. In doing so of course, my husband now
concedes, I am the much better sailor. Our next destination is Easter Island in the South Pacific, and I am thrilled! Not just for
going to this wonderful destination, but for the journey as well - and for the fact, that I can do it without fear, in complete
confidence, with the man I love.
Learn to handle the boat! Share that duty with your husband! It is not only safer, it is more fun!
|Janet is the wife of a dear friend of mine. From the
moment I met Janet, I admit, I was concerned for my friend
Bob. Not because there was anything wrong with Janet
I thought there had to be something wrong with Bob.
Why? I wondered, was this man (who loved the sea)
marrying a girl that had never been to sea?
I should have known however, that Janet's apparent
energetic nature, competitive spirit, good heart, faith and
fortitude would see her through; but, Bob had to do some
serious changing too.
So here are some of Janet's suggestions for women -
about to embark on living "his" dream.
|Here Girlfriend! Are my recommendations:
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